(Or Why My Work-Life Balance Looks Like a Drunken Flamingo on Ice)
You know the phrase “work-life balance”?
It sounds sensible, doesn’t it? Aspirational, even. Like something found on the back of a Pret coffee cup next to a quote from Brené Brown.
I used to buy into it.
For years I genuinely thought that if I could just find the right combination of morning yoga, well-timed email responses, and slightly smug oat-milk flat whites, I’d reach a kind of professional Nirvana. I’d be balanced.
Spoiler: I wasn’t.
And I’m not.
Because the idea of balance—perfect, symmetrical, spreadsheet-worthy equilibrium between work and life—is utter bollocks.
Let’s Break Down the Myth
Myth:
You should give equal time and energy to all areas of your life, all the time.
Reality:
You are a human being, not a Swiss watch. Your time, energy, hormones, mood, and ability to tolerate other people fluctuate wildly—and often without notice. Especially after 60.
Also:
If you’ve ever tried to schedule “quality time” between 4:00 and 4:45 on a Wednesday after back-to-back Zooms, you’ll know that “balance” feels more like emotional Cirque du Soleil.
Balance is a Marketing Concept. Rhythm is Human.
Where balance feels like you’re juggling plates on a tightrope over hot lava, rhythm is more like swaying slightly at a wedding after a few drinks, moving to the beat, whether you know the steps or not.
Rhythm accepts:
- That some days are full-on sprints.
- Some weeks are contemplative plods.
- Some mornings you can’t remember your own postcode.
- And occasionally, the most productive thing you’ll do all day is remember to defrost the chicken.
Rhythm is backed by real science. Let’s get into it.
The Neuroscience: You’re Wired for Cycles, Not Symmetry
Ultradian Rhythms
These are 90–120 minute cycles of peak focus and energy followed by natural dips. According to researcher Ernest Rossi, trying to push through these dips leads to stress, burnout, and poor decisions (like replying to Derek’s email with “fine” when you meant “no”).
So if you’re doing 5-hour stretches of back-to-back calls and wondering why you feel like soup afterwards, this is why. You’re breaking your body’s natural rhythm, not “just being a grown-up.”
Circadian Rhythms
These are your daily patterns, regulated by light, sleep, and a mysterious internal clock that insists on waking you at 3:47 am to remember something you said in 1992.
If you’re a “morning person” or “night owl,” that’s circadian rhythm at work. It’s not a productivity issue—it’s biology. And yet the world insists on scheduling all important meetings at 8:30 am with a graph.
The Psychology: Enter the Planning Fallacy
You may be familiar with Daniel Kahneman, Nobel laureate and father of “Why Your Brain Thinks You’re Better at Time Management Than You Actually Are.”
He coined the Planning Fallacy—the cognitive bias that makes us consistently underestimate how long things will take, and overestimate what we can achieve.
That’s how you end up saying yes to:
- A coaching session
- A client pitch
- A hospital appointment
- A Pilates class
- Fixing the Wi-Fi
- And starting a novel
…all before 6pm on a Monday.
At 63, I now schedule buffer time into my week the way younger people schedule drinks: eagerly, and with increasing dependency.
Let’s Talk About Collapse Days
You know the ones:
- You try to be productive.
- You open a new document.
- You read one sentence.
- You feel a deep existential ache.
- You walk the dog instead. (I still don’t have a dog… maybe I should get one?)
- Or alphabetise your spices.
- Or stand in the garden staring at a hedge wondering if this is it.
I used to fight these days. Now I respect them.
They’re not failure. They’re the system rebooting.
Collapse days are part of the rhythm.
Tools I Use That Aren’t Total Rubbish
1. The “3 Out of 5” Rule
On any given day, I aim to do 3 out of these 5:
- Move my body
- Do focused work
- Connect meaningfully with someone
- Eat something resembling a vegetable
- Rest properly
If I hit 3, the day was a win. If I hit 4, I’m basically Oprah.
2. “Reverse Scheduling”
Instead of booking tasks into free time, I block time off first. For rest, food, writing, and staring into space. Then fit the work in around it. Revolutionary. Also infuriating to Helen, my PA, and any corporate calendar.
3. “Half a Thing” Technique
Too tired to do the whole thing? Just do half.
- Write half the proposal.
- Read half the article.
- Wash half the dishes.
You’ll usually finish the rest anyway. But you’re tricking your brain out of inertia.
What I Know at 63 (That I Wish I’d Known at 43)
- You are allowed to disappoint people in order to look after yourself.
This includes clients, your neighbour Colin, and the WhatsApp group that expects you to “just check in” constantly. - Rest isn’t earned. It’s required.
You’re not a Victorian chimney sweep. You don’t have to suffer to justify recovery. - Balance is rigid. Rhythm is alive.
You’ll never “achieve” balance. But you can feel rhythm—when you’re in flow, when you need to pull back, when it’s time to say no without apology.
The Bottom Line
If your life feels unbalanced, it probably is. But not because you’re doing it wrong.
It’s because you’re trying to flatten something that’s meant to move.
Balance looks lovely on a yoga mat. Rhythm works better in the real world.
So let it ebb. Let it surge. Let it occasionally collapse in a heap.
And when in doubt, put the kettle on and start again tomorrow.
Next Week:
The Glorious Pointlessness of Doing Nothing
We’ll explore why loafing, pottering, dawdling, and daydreaming might just be the brain’s most underrated performance-enhancing strategy.
For now, I’m off to stare at my calendar until it blinks first.
Back soon,
Steve
